Lao Gan Ma Spicy Chili Crisp: The Jar I Keep In My Car

I keep a jar of Lao Gan Ma Spicy Chili Crisp in my car. I want you to sit with that for a second before we go any further. There's a glass jar of fermented Chinese chili oil rolling around in my center console at any given moment because the alternative — not having it on hand for whatever Stephanie or I decide to grab for lunch — is unacceptable. This is going to be that kind of review.

The +5 Rule

Here's my scale. Take any meal in your life. Rate it 1 to 10. Now add a spoonful of Lao Gan Ma. Re-rate it. The new number is at least 5 points higher. I have tested this more times than I can count and the math has never failed.

• Plain rice from the rice cooker. Goes from a 3 to an 8.
• Eggs over easy. Goes from a 6 to an 11. (Yes, an 11. The scale broke.)
• Last-night's leftover roast. Goes from a 5 to a 10.
• Cup noodles. Goes from a 4 to a 9.
• A piece of buttered toast. Goes from a 5 to a 9.
• Chick-fil-A nuggets. I'm not joking. Goes from an 8 to a hard 10.

That last one is what made me start carrying the jar in my car. We were on a road trip, I had nuggets in my lap, and I realized that for the price of a bottle of chili crisp I could have made every single drive-thru meal of my life better than it was. So I started keeping one in the center console. I have not looked back.

What It Actually Is

For the uninitiated: Lao Gan Ma is a Chinese condiment company started in 1996 by a woman named Tao Huabi (whose face is on every jar). She didn't have formal restaurant experience, didn't go to culinary school, just made chili crisp at a small noodle stand in Guizhou province. People came back for the sauce, not the noodles. Eventually the noodle stand became a factory. The factory became a global brand. Today they ship over a million bottles a day.

The brand name "Lao Gan Ma" translates roughly to "Old Godmother." Which, I think you'll agree, is a perfect name for a woman whose chili oil is on the table at half the Chinese homes in America.

The "Spicy Chili Crisp" version (the red and yellow label, with her face) is the canonical one. There are other variants — black bean, peanut, mushroom — but the original is the one. Don't get fancy.

The Ingredient List

Look, I'm not going to lie to you. This is not a three-ingredient health food. It's:

• Soybean Oil
• Onion
• Fermented Soybean
• Monosodium Glutamate (yes, MSG, and it's fine)
• Salt
• Sugar
• Pepper Powder
• Sulfur Dioxide, Sodium Sulfite

Is that ingredient list pristine? No. Is it the cleanest condiment in your fridge? Probably not. Do I care? Absolutely not. There's MSG in it because MSG is a flavor compound found naturally in tomatoes, parmesan, and seaweed, and the studies that scared everyone off it in the 70s have been thoroughly debunked. The sulfites preserve color and crunch. Everything else is real food.

I'm not putting it in baby food. I'm putting it on my eggs. The bar is different.

Buy The Big Jar

This is critical. The standard 7.41 oz jar is fine for testing the waters, but once you know you're in (and you will be in), go straight to the 23.63 oz size. The big jar is approximately three times as much chili crisp for slightly more than twice the price. The math obviously favors it.

It also lasts forever in the fridge once opened. Months. The salt and oil are doing the work of preserving everything. We've never had a jar go bad on us, and we are not careful people about food storage.

Where To Buy

Multiple options:

• Hong Kong Market in Columbia, MO. They have it. They have all of it. Go there if you live in Mid-Missouri and pretend you're shopping for the rest of your weekly groceries while you're at it.
• Walmart's international aisle. Most stores carry the small jar. Some carry the big one. Inconsistent.
• Amazon. The big jar runs around $13 at the time I'm writing this. Free shipping with Prime. This is how I usually restock.
• Any Asian grocery store. Literally any of them. Ask for "Lao Gan Ma" or just point to the shelf with all the woman's faces on it. You'll find it.

How To Eat It

Anything. The honest answer is anything. But here's the McGennis family rotation:

As a finishing oil on noodles

Cook noodles. Drain. Return to bowl. Spoon Lao Gan Ma directly on top. Soy sauce, sesame oil, scallions if you're feeling ambitious. Done. This is dinner in eight minutes and it tastes like a 30-minute restaurant dish.

On eggs

Scrambled, over-easy, fried. Doesn't matter. A teaspoon on top right before serving. Anyone who's not eating eggs this way is missing out on the best version of breakfast available to humans.

As a dumpling dipping sauce base

We did this for our From Scratch Friday Week 4 dumplings. Lao Gan Ma + black vinegar + a splash of soy sauce + a few drops of sesame oil. Mix in the jar. Dip. The dumplings were delicious. The sauce is the reason we'll make them again.

On rice

Plain white rice + a heaping spoonful of Lao Gan Ma. That's lunch. I am not joking and I am not exaggerating. Some of the best meals I've had this year were a bowl of leftover rice and chili crisp at 9pm after the kids were asleep.

On things it has no business being on

• A grilled cheese (try it)
• Pizza (don't tell my Italian friends)
• Avocado toast
• Cottage cheese (Stephanie does this and the kids look at her like she's possessed)
• A cheeseburger
• Chick-fil-A nuggets (the catalyst)

The Spice Level

For the people worried about heat: it's not actually that spicy. Lao Gan Ma is famous for being a chili oil that emphasizes flavor over heat. There's a slow warmth, a savory umami punch from the fermented black beans, a crunchy texture from the chili flakes and Sichuan peppercorn powder — but you don't get the searing capsaicin attack you'd get from a sriracha or a chili paste.

Stephanie, who has the heat tolerance of a small Midwestern child, eats this on things and is fine. Leo eats it (a little, with supervision) and is fine. If you're worried, start with half a teaspoon. You'll work your way up to full spoons in a week.

The Verdict

Recommended if: you eat. That's the bar. If you eat food and you've never tried Lao Gan Ma, you are leaving five points on the table for every meal you'll ever have for the rest of your life. The math is bad. Fix it.

Skip if: you have a soybean allergy. Otherwise, no excuses.